


It hit me like a sucker punch

by OpheliaPending



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions of love, Drama, Little bit of blood, Lots of drama, M/M, Romance, christopher cuteness, some violence in relation to the street fighting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 02:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpheliaPending/pseuds/OpheliaPending
Summary: Eddie is dealing with his feelings for his best friend amidst street fighting, only he's not careful and Buck finds out
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 9
Kudos: 136





	It hit me like a sucker punch

His heart pounded. Thump. Thump. Thump. A trickle of blood seeped down Eddie’s face from the cover of his eyebrow and swelled into mounds at his jaw before dripping, one after the other onto the top of his shirt. The harsh lights overshadowed the stars, and blinded anyone who dare to look up. Thump. Thump. A fist in slow motion drove its way into Eddie’s line of sight; no time to dodge it. A searing pain crashed against his jaw, the force of which whipped his head to the side, accompanied by a small sting at the corner of his bottom lip. Eddie ran the back of his hand across his face, a streak of blood now coating his arm which glistened in the beady rays of the overhead light. Blood mixed with saliva and Eddie spat the excess from his mouth to the ground. He was just getting started. His opponent got one good punch in, and Eddie wasn’t going to let him get another.

Eddie blinked once, twice and regained his stance – smirking at the man across from him who had no idea what he was in for. Eddie darted full force towards the beefed-out dude and feigned a punch with his right, which the guy readily blocked only for Eddie to swiftly dodge his counter, and gave him an uppercut that sent him flying straight into the tyre barrier. The crowd cheered his successful hit and Eddie roared into the night. He felt powerful. In control. And God did it feel good.

Eddie shook his hand to ease the tension and beckoned his opponent, urging him to try again. “Are you even trying?” he taunted.

The guy growled and charged, knocking Eddie square on his back – the ground cooling the fired skin of his back. Fortunately, that’s exactly where he wanted to be. Eddie took his left hand and swung across, making contact and continued the momentum until his opponent was eating asphalt. It wasn’t hard to kick him off from there and deliver a finishing blow. The cheering faded from Eddie’s hearing, only the sound of his own blood pumping through his veins and the crisp night air filling his lungs. Each intake of breath sent a stabbing pain that ripped through his chest in an agonising fashion. His ribs were definitely bruised, if not broken. But that didn’t matter right now. He had won and those endorphins were euphoric.

Eddie felt on top of the world – nothing could touch him. As free as a bird soaring 1000 feet in the air over the vast ocean, the salty breeze and the soothing tones of the waxing and waning tides. Only replaced with the sharp, pungent smell of gasoline, rubber and beer.

He was offered another match, but turned it down in leu of riding this high for the rest of the night. Eddie grasped his abdomen, slipped his bag over his shoulder and quietly staggered to his car.

His stomach was tender, minor relief coming from the added pressure, though Eddie was sure to get a bruise. Added to the long list of injuries his body had accumulated since starting this ‘hobby’. He caught sight of his reflection in the car window, blood still dripping down his face and an expression he couldn’t quite place. Eddie’s thumb ran along his swelling lip wiping some of the blood away and transferring it to his pants. He almost didn’t recognise himself. Eddie clenched his teeth and looked away – pretending not to know, not to see. He had this under control.

Eddie won all 3 of his matches though his injuries had started to escalate, to the point of being noticeable. Buck was the first one to point it out, on his first day back no less. He should’ve expected as much from Buck. If there was one person to stick his nose into Eddie’s business, it’d be Buck. He had to be more careful.

Eddie gripped the steering wheel and drove to his 24/hr gym, windows down and music blasting, as per his usual recovery routine. He started frequenting the facilities to clean and treat his wounds, using his hoodie to bypass curious looks from the receptionist. The cold shower was soothing to his burning skin; Eddie stood under the nozzle, hand against the wall, letting the water stream down his face, for what seemed like hours. The weight of the water stippling his skin was comforting but he had to get home.

Eddie dried himself off, doing his best to make himself presentable in order to relieve Carla of her Christopher-watching duties. Eddie had caught her staring the previous week, concern filled her eyes and a question dancing along the tip of her tongue, yet not daring to ask. He mainly enlisted her help for when he was on a late shift just in case Christopher had another nightmare – which luckily hadn’t happened in a few weeks now. And Eddie wanted to keep it that way. But now Carla had become an opportunity – Christopher would be safe with her, and as long as he was careful not to incur questions or worry, everything would be fine. His son never need know about his extracurricular activities.

Eddie walked to Christopher’s bedroom door, socks padding his footsteps, and smiled at the child sleeping before him. He really was blessed to have such a wonderful boy in his life. “Goodnight,” he whispered and shut the door.

The deafening silence of the night started beating at his subconscious the second his head hit the pillow – it was too quiet for comfort. After the rage of the night, this nothingness felt stagnant; not healing like it was supposed to be. Eddie rolled on to his side, his doona rustling with the shift, wincing slightly at the new pressure down his torso. He sighed. Today had been a long day – but a good day, he supposed, in hindsight.

He had finally made up with Buck. He hadn’t planned on doing it so soon – not with the absolute hell that man put him through. But there was just something about him; even with all his dumb, impulsive decisions, it’s like there wasn’t anything Buck could ever do that Eddie wouldn’t forgive. A tingle danced its way up Eddie’s chest and settled in place. Eddie panicked at the feeling – was is heart palpitations? Anxiety? Or…? Eddie flopped his forearm over his eyes, groaning after knocking the fresh wound on his eyebrow. There’s no way they were butterflies. He wouldn’t let them be.

Eddie grabbed the doona and pulled it over his head. With the quiet of the night, his mind was suddenly too loud. His relationship with Buck was strange… Maybe not so strange as it was different. It was a curious line dancing between comradery and something more. Buck was already like family to him – greater even; the number one person that he would call should shit ever hit the fan. But that lawsuit. That _hurt_. It was as if he were suddenly alone in the world and Eddie became all too aware of how much he came to rely on Buck.

Eddie didn’t like that feeling. Needing someone. _Wanting_ someone. He had to push those feelings down. Deep down and lock them away for no one to find. The only person Eddie could rely on, was himself. Every feeling, every emotion had to be buried, deep inside himself. That’s how he was raised. Feelings didn’t matter. Only actions.

But he was mad. This gut-wrenching anger was incapable of being contained like the building pressure of a boiling kettle ready to squeal. It needed an outlet. The clenched fists, raw power and animal instinct that came along with thrashing a stranger into submission – that he could control. Blow off some steam before his whole mind explodes. And the fights were helping, he was calmer, clear headed even. Until he wasn’t. So, he went again.

Eddie sighed and flipped the covers off his face, suddenly exposed to the cooling air of the early morning. He traced his finger back and forth over the material, focusing on the noise it produced while slowly taking in breath. It still hurt to breathe but he tried not to fixate on that. He looked at the time on his phone. _3:17am_. He really needed to be sleeping more.

Eddie looked up at the ceiling and stared into the never-ending abyss of poorly lit beige. His eyes were tired but his mind was wide awake. The tingle reignited in his chest. Eddie pursed his lips and drew a sharp breath through his nose. He wondered what Buck was up to… probably sleeping.

He had finally grasped how Buck was feeling after the day just passed, that he was also angry at the world. It just seemed so easy for him. Eddie ran his fingers over his eyes and circled around his browbone, careful not to graze his fresh wound this time. He was conflicted about how he should be feeling – as if there were a right or wrong answer. He wasn’t like Buck; someone who could feel whatever they felt, act however they please and things magically turn out in their favour.

Though for some reason, he was exactly that person with Buck. He had ripped into him at Howie’s market. That was impulsive. He iced him out on his first day back. That was contemptuous. Buck had a way of bringing out the worst in him. His usual calm and collected self, went straight out the window with the rest of his impulse control, the second it came to Buck. Buck. Every thought led back to Buck.

Somehow this one guy managed to wriggle his way through Eddie’s defences and implant himself into every waking moment of his life. Like a weed, no matter how many times he pulled it, it always grew back. Eddie caught himself smiling, butterflies ravaging his insides. The soughing wind outside captured his focus; a long, soft hum that carried Eddie’s mind into the night.

  


~*~

Eddie rubbed his tired eyes and let out an audible yawn as he strode in to the fire station. Luckily his face hadn’t bruised – yet, anyway – and the cut was covered by his eyebrow; unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said of his torso. Swirls of black and blue as vivid as Van Gogh’s starry night, painted his abdomen, leaving no room for explanation.

“Morning Eddie!” Bucks all too eager voice beamed.

Eddie, mildly startled, took a second to gain his bearings, “Morning Buck.” He smiled but quickly averted eye contact. He’d only recently forgiven Buck, but the mixture of awkwardness and this tingling in his chest made it almost impossible to act normal.

“Cap’s making omelettes if you want any,” Buck smiled, walking past Eddie and up into the kitchen where the whole team were happily eating.

Eddie made quick eye contact with Bobby, nodded and pointed towards the locker. “I’ll only be a second,” he called ahead.

“Do you know what you want? I’ll start making it,” Bobby called back.

“Uh…” his mind was drawing a blank, “I’ll just have whatever Buck’s having.” Eddie walked off, scrunching his eyes and downwardly shook his head. That wasn’t weird was it? Surely not – he ate the same food as Buck all the time, sometimes even off his plate.

He placed his bag into the locker, but first rummaged around until he found the small, white bottle. His salvation. He took the cap off the placed his index finger beneath his eye, dragging the skin down and leant his head backward. The ceiling was surprisingly dirty. A couple drops dripped into his eye, and then the next eye until he felt a modicum of revitalization. That should last him for a while.

Eddie took his plate from Bobby and sat next to Buck at the table. It’d been a while since they had all eaten together. It was comforting; the family united again. Eddie unconsciously smiled at the thought.

Hen looked at Eddie and smirked, her left eyebrow raised, “So I see that you two made up,” she waved her fork between Buck and Eddie. “About time.”

“Probationary period. Granted that he doesn’t do it again,” Eddie replied, taking a mouthful of food.

“Do what? Have a ladder truck fall on him, sue the fire house or not return your calls?” Chimney snickered, sending Hen a knowing look which she returned in full.

Eddie brushed off the comment and continued eating his food, stealing a glance at Buck’s reaction. His eyes were slightly widened and he was fiddling with his fork between mouthfuls, unsure of what to do with himself.

“It’s okay, we get it,” Hen said. “How can anybody stay mad at that face for long – like a golden retriever that boy.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Buck responded, mouth stuffed with food.

Bobby cleared his throat, “I’d just like to say, it’s nice that we are all together again. Eating here like this,” he grabbed his glass of water. “It’s not often you find a family like ours and I’m glad that it’s whole again. I’d like to officially welcome you back Buck. Welcome home,” he tilted his glass to Buck.

Eddie could’ve sworn he’d seen tears in Bucks eyes, or maybe they were his own – maybe both. It was an emotional time.

“Thanks Bobby,” Buck replied, a lump forming in his throat, “Thank you for having me back… after everything –”

Bobby held up his hand, “All that matters is that you are back where you belong.”

“Cheers to that!” Hen gushed, taking a sip of her orange juice.

“Welcome back kid,” Chimney gently tapped Bucks back as he walked past into the kitchen, to get a head start on the dishes.

Buck looked towards Eddie, like a puppy looking for a treat, pleading him to welcoming him back.

Eddie looked into those bright blue eyes, an ocean of colour he could get lost in, and gave in, “Welcome home.” Eddie could feel the blood rush to his face and quickly darted his gaze back to his unfinished plate.

Buck smiled ear to ear, blinking a few times in rapid succession, “Thanks man.”

“He wasn’t that happy when I welcomed him,” Hen whispered to Chimney as she placed her dish in the sink.

Chimney chuckled softly, “I wonder why.”

Bucks elbow sprung out and knocked Eddie’s side affectionately as his head scrunched to the side. Eddie tried to hide his grimace but couldn’t help the small grunt that escaped. The pain on his side was fleeting, yet shot through his body. Buck’s eyebrows worried together, “You okay?”

“Peachy,” Eddie said through clenched teeth and got up to clear his plate, “Thanks for the food Bobby.”

Buck watched him as he walked away, mouth agape, eyes full of concern.

Eddie was sure that Buck was starting to suspect something. He never outwardly accused him – not yet anyway – but he kept giving Eddie this look. Like he was checking up on him. If Eddie wasn’t more careful things could get messy. He needed this outlet and no one was going to take that from him.

Other than a call soon after breakfast, the day had been slow. The air was stagnant in the fire house, not too hot yet not cold, and a soft humming echoed throughout, stemming from Chimney cleaning the equipment. Eddie took it upon himself to scrub the ceilings, considering the state he saw them in earlier. A sweat broke out along his brow, his eyes growing tired to the mindless work. Maybe he needed a break.

Eddie walked into the kitchen and made himself a cold glass of water, ice included and took a few sips. The cool liquid trickled down his throat and chilled his insides in a refreshing manner. Eddie took a seat on a stool and placed the glass to his forehead. He wasn’t sure when it started but there was a dull ache that pounded with his heartbeat, the cooled surface of the glass only mildly helping. He let his eyes drift shut for the briefest moment and lost out to his battle with tiredness. His head sunk onto his arms at the bench and the glass was pushed aside.

_Everything was hazy. Faceless men in the crowd cheered to a pitch-black sky, stars barely visible. A woman stood before him; he couldn’t quite make her out. “Why did you do this to me?” she cried at him, her dress flowing in the wind before she landed a punch, right on his cheekbone. The momentum pushed Eddie to the ground, and he grabbed his face, rubbing the wounded area. “You did this to me,” tears streamed down her face and dropped onto his nose, one after the other before her hand drove back around and pounded his face again. Did what to her? Who was she? He crawled backwards, small rocks grazing his palms. He couldn’t fight back. He was powerless. Eddie looked to the left and then to the right to find someone – anyone who would help him. _

_A raucous laughter erupted from the crowd as beams of light shone right in his eyes. A figure in the distance walked up, his face covered in shadows and the light surrounding him like a gift from the Gods. He was tall and well-built and outstretched his hand. Eddie went to grab it when it was suddenly pulled away, the man before him laughing, a big humiliating laugh. What did he do to deserve this? “Why would I help you?” he taunted, “You mean nothing to me.” The man slipped back into the cover of night, every figure around him now fading away one by one until he was left in the all-consuming black and all he could hear were the cries of the woman who didn’t want to be left alone. _

Eddies eyes snapped open when two hands slapped down on his shoulders and squeezed. He gasped and instinctively swung his elbow around with a brutal force, landing smack bang on Buck’s sternum, winding him. Eddie’s eyes flicked to horror. What had he done? Buck was curled before him, trying to catch his breath. Each raspy heave was like a stab in the gut. He did that. He did that to _Buck_. Oh god. He stood from the stool and ran his hands through his hair, “Fuck, Buck I’m so sorry.”

Buck extended one hand in front of him, finger pointed towards Eddie, while the other cradled his gut, “It’s fine,” he wheezed, “I shouldn’t have snuck up on you.” He panted for a good 30 seconds, “Good elbow by the way.”

Eddie felt terrible. How could he let this happen? “I’m so sorry,” he spoke softly, an undertone of sadness.

“What’s gotten into you lately?” Buck stood up, once regaining his ability to breathe.

“What do you mean?”

“Like just now – you’re jumpy. Always tired and,” Buck pointed to Eddie’s elbow and a yellowing patch starting to brighten just under his lip, “You’re covered in bruises. Are you ever gonna tell me what really happened…?”

“I already told you –”

“And don’t just say ‘roughhousing with Christopher’ because that monster of a bruise is way too nasty for that to be true.”

Eddie took a step back and crossed his arms, making sure his hand covered his battered elbow, “It’s nothing, just drop it.”

“Eddie that is not nothing!” Buck grabbed Eddie’s arm but got immediately slapped away.

“Leave it Buck,” he warned, a fire in his eyes, “We’re in a good place, right?” He looked to Buck for conformation in the form of a small nod, which he received, “Then let’s keep it that way.” His eyes were threatening, like he had no issue cutting Buck off just the same as he did to him not long ago.

Buck flinched at the implication and backed off. His eyes welled slightly and his bottom lip quivered, “I’m only trying to look out for you.”

“I can look out for myself,” he snapped. Eddie paused, seeing just how worried Buck was getting. The anger melted away from his face and the tension dropped from his shoulders. He took a deep breath in, “I’m sorry for snapping at you, but it’s really nothing okay, please just drop it.”

Buck hesitated, not wanting to push him, “If you’re sure.”

Chimney popped up between the two men, “Everything okay here?”

“Peachy,” Eddie replied swiftly and walked away.

Chimney looked over to Buck, who was frowning with pursed lips and upon making eye contact also exited the conversation. “Well that didn’t last long.”

  


~*~

Eddie paced around his house looking for his hoodie, while Christopher sat and watched Ben10. A coil inside of him had been tightening ever since that afternoon and his heated discussion with Buck – he needed to blow off some steam. Good thing Carla was coming over soon to look after him.

Just as Eddie had stuffed his gear into his bag and slung his newly found hoodie over his head, the doorbell rang. Carla? Eddie looked to the clock hung on the wall. She was early. He opened the door only to find one apologetic Buck stood in his doorway. “Buck? What are you doing here?”

Buck pushed past Eddie and into the house, “I wanted to apologise for today and maybe,” Buck uncovered a DVD and a bag of popcorn kernels from behind his back, “Watch a movie with you and Christopher?” Buck paused, “If that’s okay, I mean.” He took a second to glance over Eddies appearance; sneakers, track pants and a hoodie. “Unless… you were going somewhere?”

Eddie huffed, resigning to an evening in with Buck. He would just have to wait until tomorrow. “It’s okay, what movie did you bring?”

“The nightmare before Christmas,” Buck grinned, excitement filling his cheeks.

Eddie stared at his face, flabbergasted out of his tensed shoulders, “Buck… It’s November.”

“What’s your point? It’s never too early for a Christmas movie!”

“It’s a Halloween movie.”

Buck stared Eddie down, “Christmas.”

Eddie return his stare in spades, “Halloween.”

“Well there’s only one way to settle this,” Buck sucked in a large amount of air and yelled in a sing-song tune, “Oh Christopher!”

“Buck?” the child’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree at the sight of the him, making Bucks heart warm. It’d been a long time since he’d seen him. This was one of the main reasons why Buck wanted to come over tonight.

“Hey Buddy!” Buck ran over towards the couch just as Christopher had stood up, arms spread wide to embrace him in a loving hug. Buck lifted Christopher high into the air and swung around briefly before coming to a stop, and relishing the moment. “I missed you,” Buck whispered, his voice cracking. He wanted to cry, though he wouldn’t admit it.

Eddies eyes smiled; Christopher had been asking about Buck for weeks now so this reunion had his heart fluttering. He shot a quick text to Carla, to let her know she could have the night off.

“So, I got a very important question to ask you,” Buck set Christopher down on the couch and spoke in a serious tone, “Is the nightmare before Christmas a Halloween movie,” Buck shook his head, “Or a Christmas movie?” Buck nodded with raised eyebrows.

“Hey that’s cheating!” Eddie playfully slapped Bucks arm.

“Why can’t it be both?” Christopher said.

Buck looked towards Eddie, then back at Christopher and settled next to him on the couch, “You know what, Buddy? You’re right. You wanna watch it?”

Christopher flashed a large toothy grin and looked to his father for approval, “Can we?”

“We can.”

“Sweet!” Buck said, ecstatically tossing the bag of kernels to Eddie.

“Oh, so I’m making the popcorn?” Eddie teased, already on his way to the kitchen.

“Please and thank you!” Buck called after him, placing his arm around Christopher who in turn rested his head on Bucks shoulder.

Eddie returned with a large bowl of warm popcorn, only to find Buck and Christopher deep in talk about his latest school project. Eddie leant against the wall, watching them chat for a few minutes just taking in the sight. Christopher looked over the moon. What more would he ever need?

The black screen of the TV grabbed his attention, “You didn’t set up the movie?”

“Not yet,” Buck tossed the DVD to Eddie, once he had been handed the bowl of popcorn.

“Oh, so I’m doing this too, am I?”

Buck just grinned, “Yup.”

“Alright.”

Eddie took a seat on the other side of Christopher, arm outstretched over the back of the couch. His fingers absentmindedly dragged over the material of Bucks shirt. For some reason he wanted to touch him. To be closer to him. He drew circles with his fingers as his heartbeat quickened. Soon, Eddie found himself sweating. It was too hot. It had to be the temperature. He knew summer was a couple months ago now, but residual heat was a thing, right? Global warming? That’s why the room was suddenly unbearably hot? Eddie desperately wanted to remove his hoodie, but underneath was only a singlet. It would expose more than he cared for Buck to see. So, he had to wait it out – maybe grab a glass of ice water to cool himself off from the inside out. Yes. He’ll do that.

He stood from the couch, a little flustered, “Want anything to drink?”

“Hot chocolate please,” Christopher responded, eyes not ungluing from the screen.

“I’ll have one too please,” Buck turned around just long enough to see the hint of red on Eddie’s face before he disappeared out of the room.

Eddie gulped down that water faster than humanly possible, not even stopping to take a breather. The quicker he drank, the faster he would cool down right? Only now the roof of his mouth burned with the cold and an ache set low in his head. Apart from his head being completely frozen, the rest of him was still hot. Why was this happening? Eddie placed the kettle on the stove and used this opportunity to change shirts. In his room, he browsed countless options to change into – it had to be a long sleeve for obvious reasons – but if he was still overheating wouldn’t the sweat stains show? He didn’t need that. Eddie’s head perked up, “Oh!” he whispers yelled. He knew the perfect one. A black, long sleeved shirt would cover everything. Eddie cringed that this was something that caused him strife.

The kettle whistle blew and Eddie rushed back to finish making his boys some drinks. Once back in the lounge, he’d noticed Christopher snuggled closer into Bucks chest, eyes now closed.

“Shhhh,” Buck placed a finger to his lips and smiled at Eddie, and pointed at the boy sleeping before him. He must’ve had a long day. Eddie handed Buck the drink and placed the other on the coffee table.

“Thank you,” Buck whispered and had a sip, “It’s really good,” he praised making Eddie flustered. Buck raised an eyebrow, “New shirt?”

“Uh yeah, it was getting a little hot.” Eddie sat on the couch, hand resuming its place along the top. His fingers motioned towards Buck once again and found themselves dancing along his back. Buck didn’t resist and Eddie bit his lip. If only they could stay in this moment forever.

  


~*~

A clenched fist swiftly shot past Eddies face; the resultant wind tickling his nose. The rush of adrenaline was invigorating. He didn’t see the second fist until it was already ploughing through his gut – an upheaval of air exiting his lungs accompanied by a spray of saliva. He leant over for only a moment, hands bracing his knees, in order to catch his breath. His opponent not giving him the chance to recover, crashed their elbow under Eddies left shoulder blade and sent him shooting to the ground. Loose gravel coursed over his face as Eddie dragged himself over. He looked up at his opponent, raring for a second go, and swept his leg around knocking his opponent to the floor.

One punch to the face and it was lights out. These kinds of fights were like child’s play. But it was a way for him to feel something, without feeling everything. This night was colder than last, each intake of breath burning his lungs with the constant exposure. “Who’s next?” Eddie beckoned the crowd, arms sprawled in the air.

“I’ll do it,” a familiar voice called from behind.

Eddie turned to see none other than the woman herself who introduced him to this outlet. “You think you can take me?” Eddie jeered.

“Oh, I know I can,” she said, shaking off her jacket.

“Bring it Bosko.”

No time wasted, they went straight at it – fists and elbows and feet knocking and crashing all over the place. Eddie landed one hit to every two of Lena’s but that didn’t matter, he liked the challenge. It made it that much more satisfying when he won.

“Where’s your head at, Eddie?” she goaded, “Still not over that little firefighter boy of yours?”

Was she trying to get a rise out of him? Because it was working. Eddie roared and charged forward, using the thrust of a feigned right hook to whip his body around and back kick her in the jaw.

She stumbled a few steps back before countering with a left hook and a knee that landed right where he was hit in the previous fight. “I see I hit a nerve,” she smirked.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he sneered through gritted teeth.

“I think it seems that I do,” she brought her leg forward and kicked him in the gut, “What was his name again?”

Why was she doing this?

“Buck?”

Eddie clenched his fists so hard he could draw blood. Why was she bringing him up? Now of all times? His fists flew in every possible direction at a terrifying speed, and landed about 40% of the time.

“You see, now you’re getting reckless,” she teased, swiftly ducking under his arm and giving him a double punch in the gut.

“That’s dirty,” he winced.

“Look around Eddie,” she gestured to the old cars stacked around their ring, “It’s not supposed to be clean.”

Why did she have to bring Buck into this? Now he had to be faced with the guilt of picturing Buck seeing him like this, bruised and bloody in a situation of his own making. He didn’t want to disappoint him. It seems he couldn’t even escape thoughts of him here any longer – no more feigning ignorance to the feelings that had started to bloom. But it was too soon. Too soon for him to be feeling like this. Moving on as quickly as he did – what would that make him? Fickle.

It was scary – having someone who he could trust whole heartedly, who he could rely on, where he could actually feel his feelings and have them matter. He didn’t want to give so much of himself away – especially after what happened with Shannon.

“Tut tut. You’re slipping Diaz,” Lena socked him good on the chin and Eddie cascaded to the ground, knocked out of his own thought process.

If she wanted to play like that, then Eddie knew just which buttons to push.

“So, how’s that Captain of yours doing?” he raised his eyebrow, “Well I’m guessing he’s not the Captain anymore.”

Her nose twitched with rage but there was his opening. It was small, but it was there. In her momentary hesitation, Eddie manage to land one final elbow to her face before she fell to the ground. He felt slightly guilty for using an innocent man’s name in all of this but hey. Fight fire with fire.

The referee raised his arm in victory and the crowed thundered along with him.

Eddie held out his arm for Lena to grab and pulled her up.

“No hard feelings Diaz. You gotta use what you’ve got right?”

“Sure,” he replied, unsure of whether he actually meant it. He was not one to use personal information to win fights but alas.

Lena squinted her eyes and pointed towards a glimmering red, trickling down his left arm, “Hey I think you’re bleeding.”

“Shit,” Eddie followed the blood up to the source, a cut at the back of his upper arm. He had to treat that. If anyone found out about this, he’d never hear the end of it – especially from Buck.

“Well I’m gonna head off,” he nodded at Lena, “Until next time.”

“You’re damn right, I owe you a good arse whooping!”

Just as Eddie headed off, a shorter, balding gentleman from the crowd came up next to him and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a small white card. “If you ever get bored and need something a little more,” he looked Eddie directly in the eye, with a deep, vast grey he’d seen so often in his men from his unit, “Well, a little more – this is just the place for you.” He placed the card on Eddies chest, which Eddie took, a little dumbfounded. In the second it took for him to read the contents, the man was gone.

_An address_. Specifically, a boxing gym, known to be frequented by vets. He had heard of places like this before, but had never been to one himself. He shrugged off the encounter and haphazardly threw the card in his bag.

He drove to the gym and used the giant, well-lit bathroom mirror to stitch himself up. That small cut actually warranted 2 stitches. He was gobsmacked. It wasn’t pretty, but it got the job done.

  


~*~

Another day, another lunch at the firehouse. Only, today it was just him and Buck eating together. Buck hadn’t left his side all day – not after watching him on the first call of the morning. Eddie winced while trying to carry a woman on a backboard and Buck didn’t let him forget it. He slipped up. After all the precautions he took, and stifling of his injuries, one grimace and Buck was his new babysitter. Not that he minded spending more time with him – he enjoyed it more than anything. But the context under which they were together was a little disheartening.

Eddie was tired of staving off every thought of Buck – trying not to see, not to realise what was happening – so he gave up. He embraced every thought that flew into his brain no matter how outlandish. But thinking about something and acting on it, were two completely different things.

“Uh Eddie,” Buck stammered.

Buck’s voice pulled him from his thoughts, “Huh?”

“I uh, I think you’re bleeding…”

“What?” Eddie followed Buck’s gaze to his left arm where a trail of blood was now seeping down his arm. His stomach dropped. Oh fuck. “I’m just gonna go get a bandaid – clean this up,” Eddie stood from his seat, trying not to sound nervous or guilty, keeping his voice as flat as possible, though Buck still looked at him with confusion. Fucking _fuck_. Now he’d done it.

He raced to the bathroom after grabbing the first aid kid and hurriedly shut the door. Eddie unbuttoned his shirt, blood pooled in the starchy fabric of his left sleeve. Fuck. No, it was okay. He had a spare uniform in his locker. It would be okay. He slung the shirt over the sink, letting the water run over the sleeve. He looked to the wound on his arm and just as he’d thought – he’d ripped a stitch. God knows when that happened, but with a job like his it could’ve been anything. Using a sterile cloth, he wiped the blood from his arm and cleaned the wound before redoing the stitch.

Buck barged through the bathroom door, which Eddie was now mentally murdering himself for forgetting to lock, “Hey Eddie, I got your spare shirt just in case you – woah what the fuck!” Buck looked towards Eddie, and then his reflection in the mirror and then back to Eddie. The assortment of bruises decorating his back and torso left Buck in a state of disbelief. Eddie watched as his expression ran through shock, horror, confusion, realisation and landed at anger.

“Who the fuck did this to you?” he yelled, teeth clenched, nose twitching and eyes brimming with tears. “Did someone hurt you?” He looked to the freshly stitched wound on his arm, “Are you being bullied?” He asked in full seriousness.

“Buck, take a breath,” Eddie placed his hands on either shoulder, and rubbed up and down in hopes the motion would calm Buck down. He didn’t need to draw attention to this bathroom. He needed to figure a way around this. With the least amount of suspicion.

Buck’s voice quivered, “If someone is hurting you, I can help you. You don’t have to go through this alone – please just let me help. I’m worried.”

His desperation made sense – everything that had happened with Maddie. But these were two entirely different situations. Eddie didn’t want Buck to believe the worst – but what could he say? The good ol’ ‘I fell down the stairs’ wasn’t going to cut it. And sure, they got work injuries all the time – but nothing that looked like this. They were wounds of battle – and Eddie was sure Buck knew as much. His heart ached in his chest. He wished that Buck had never seen. What should he do?

The only thing he knew how to do. He hardened his appearance, eyes now cold and dead inside, “It has nothing to do with you.” His heart was breaking.

Buck looked at him, as if he’d said the most depressing words in the world – sadder and weaker than he looked at the arbitration. He looked betrayed. And confused. And miserable. And oh God Eddie wanted to stop looking. Eddie felt terrible – like someone had ripped his heart from his chest and stomped on it. But it was his own foot squashing his organ into the ground.

Buck turned his face towards the ceiling, blinking to disperse the tears welling in his eyes though some slipped through and dripped down his face. He exited the bathroom without another word, slamming the door behind him.

Eddie exhaled. What had he done? Before he had the chance to even process the situation that just occurred the door swung back open. Why the fuck hadn’t he locked it? Eddie was only mildly relieved to see that it was Buck again.

Buck threw a small tube at Eddies face, “It’ll help with the bruising,” he managed to say through strained facial muscles, before storming back off into the fire house.

Eddie looked at the small tube now cradled in his hand. Arnica. What the fuck had he done?

  


~*~

A foot came into focus and smashed the side of Eddie’s face. Blood poured from his nose and dripped onto the ground below. Yes. This is what he deserved. Another kick, this time to his abdomen, sent saliva fused with blood spluttering over his opponent. More. He needed to be punished. A fist drove its way under Eddie’s chin and snapped his head back into the sky. Good. The pain was good – physical now outweighing the emotional. His outsides felt just as shitty as his insides.

He took a long, hard look at his opponent. Medium height, medium build, male pattern baldness – nothing special. Eddie encroached his opponent, like a predator stalking its prey. Now it was his turn. Eddie beat him, one punch after the other, everything else fused together and was filtered out of his hearing. Only the contact between his fist and that guys face registered. A distinctive smacking sound of wet flesh. His knuckles were bruised and bloody and he stopped to look down at his hands. What had he become?

“Eddie!” A voice off in the distance made him whip his head around and look for the source of the noise.

His opponent took that opportunity to sock him right in the jaw.

“Yeah! Sucker punch!” a man from the crowd screamed. 

A man approached from under the beaming light, his face shrouded by the casted shadow but Eddie knew exactly who it was. _Oh fuck_. The blood drained from his face as his vision blurred to black.

“Buck?”

**Author's Note:**

> thankyou for reading!! if there are any errors i apologise, it is 5am but i had to finish this.  
I'm aiming for this to be a 2 or 3 parter depending on things - we'll see how it goes.   
Also you should listen to the song sucker punch by sigrid (it's great)  
gosh i hope this is coherent


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